Elysian Fields (The Clauryan)

In my head, outside the reality of the dead mind of a tasted body withing the mind. Why am I realizing this now? How could I overcome this? Could I overcome this? Do I want to overcome this? I'd love to taste the brain of a innocent man than I've just killed with my bare hands. I would drain him from his blood and pour it all over my head within the heart I've just consumed. Overwhelmed to the state of where there is no return. The sane mind will not be able to process the reality I am experiencing. To sustain such weights on your mental state is lethal. Why would anybody want to put themselves through something like this? Why the fuck am I what I am? I even don't know if I want to be this...but do I have a choice? Everything begins with the choice. Where did I make mine? I seem to have lost the track of time over my life, every millisecond is like what had to "jesus" experience times six thousand and forty three times sixty ten billion. I am the man whose mind died every day. Whose body isn't a conduit to this world but to another. What are these worlds I am traveling in? Inside me is a unstable cosmic storm of mentalities. Many versions of me roaming the deserts endlessly in order to find the original soul trapped inside the Pandoras box that has been kept from me for so many ions. The flux of my arms is amaranth. My mind is virulent as a virus digesting the sun, a black hole without any destination. It leads to  a empty place so dark that even the most powerful gods had to abandon because even they could not withstand the energies roaming this forsaken place. Who led me here? Was it I or was it a version of my twisted sick self that trapped me here so he could bloom in the everlasting fields of Elysium? I will not escape this place even if I will have the chance....one could say I am destined to roam this place endlessly and at some sick point become a new god of plague and decay so I could create another world so dark that no entity would step into with a clear mind. I will become something to be something of. I feel like I'm not an organic being any longer. There are cogs in my head, pumps breathing in, breathing out, wires for veins. Indestructible mechanical parts that won't let me fade. But how then can I feel? Something in me is terribly wrong...something changed....in the dark corners of my mind.

Post sane title.

Wait.

Wait longer..                 ..and longer..      ...and longer....   and longer.

Light the cigarette...but just yesterday I felt like quitting. I felt good. I felt different kinds of feelings such as love, compassion, joy, understanding and sharing everything amaranthine to infinity. I saw the world full of color and a light feeling of levitating as powerful, meaningful, dreadful like the sun. I saw the big picture and understood it. I knew how to manipulate it,  turn it to my will and digest it. Oh but like every "everlasting" sun I dried out. This is where today came in...

All these great godly aspects of my still mental mind have vanished. They have been replaced with "powers" none less equal  gravity.  Love has turned to hate, joy to depression, understanding to total self-dedicated addiction. This happy illusion of a everlasting god complex has made its intentions regarding my condition very clear. I know every human has two sides to them - good and bad if you make it black and white - But when you start getting groovy with what you could do if you let either side manifest you...like a symbiosis if you will.  The limits are only within your mind. Again if you make it black and white it's sane and insane. Sane being the so well loved good and insane the bad guy. But what actually is insanity? Am I insane just because I feel and experience the world differently than you? How can you say my reality is altered when you've never experienced anything real? I'm not saying you're an imbecile and you've never felt left which is real. How can I say what is real when I've only seen it from the angle that this world has chosen for me. To believe this angle is where the choice comes in. To move on and go through this infinite wall of bullshit. The choice itself has already been made when we were born. The only thing we actually have a saying in is if we choose to go through and how we go. Here is where the same black and white come in. Of course it would be great if we could just cruise on the golden covered highway and chill the fuck out, but no....that will not happen. We need to make a conscious kick to our mental unconscious.


So sane or so insane?